Today's Jesus is "touchless":
I got my car washed on the way home today. I went to the same car wash I always use. I've always known they were a little nutty. And soooo Southern. And very Republican. Fox News is always the channel of choice on the t.v. in the waiting room, and they have a huge poster with the Ten Commandments hanging behind the counter. They also have the contract for the county, including the police department, so there are always a few deputies and detectives swaggering about.
But today, I noticed things with new eyes. My blog eyes. My new to seminary, incredibly hostile toward outward (and offensive) displays of religion eyes. There were three copies of the Holy Bible; none were a version now accepted by even the most conservative theologian or biblical scholar. A book by Billy Graham; forgive me, but I cannot remember the droll, insipid title of the tome. Alongside those were several other religious/spiritual self-help books, a Nora Roberts, and a Danielle Steele. Ugh. I think it's time to find a new car wash. I really don't feel like giving them any more of my money. Who the Hell knows what kind of hate-filled, and-you-call-yourself-a-Christian cause it will be supporting. But not until I qualify for my next free wash. THEN, I'm outta there! Yes, I can be a hypocrite, too!
28.9.07
Pointed Rant
Internet Junk Food:
I know I shouldn't do it. It's not good for me, or my blood pressure, or general level of stress. I get burned every time, but I just can't resist. I enter into it hopeful that this will be the day, finally, when someone has something intelligent to write. Or at least bothers with correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. But, alas...I am disappointed once again. Comcast Forum: the electronic domain for the uneducated moron. That's how they should market it, since it seems to be a place entirely populated with the simple-minded stay-at-home-mom, the unemployed high school drop-out, the uneducated, the narrow-minded, the backwards hick, and mouth-breathing troglodytes of all shapes and sizes. In other words, the people who have nothing better to do with their lives than guzzle Mountain Dew, gobble Doritos, and bitch about the educated, successful, gainfully employed "libruls who think there so much better then tha rest uf us." Yeah...there's a reason they think the way they do. They're right. I mean we're right. Did I write "they?" I meant to write "we." Elitist snob...and proud of it. At least I can spell, and put sentences together to form a paragraph, and complete a thought. I can even tie my shoelaces.
Footnotes
No child held back:
Every year, thousands of American teenagers graduate from high school with less than an eighth grade reading level, limited understanding of basic economics, physics, or biology; couldn't tell you about FDR's New Deal, the dates of the U.S. Civil War, where Hadrian's Wall is, find more than the U.S. on a world map, name a Shakespearean play that hasn't been made into a movie in the past five years, name the last Egyptian pharaoh, explain the significance of the Rosetta Stone, speak intelligently on the works of Mark Twain, or tell you the difference between the Battle of Normandy and the Norman Conquest. If you mentioned Freud, Nietzsche, or Marx they might say, "bless you!" but most certainly not, "gesundheit!" And these are the ones who go to college.
The depth and breadth of cultural illiteracy in this country is an inexcusable failure (one of many) of our educational system. More on this subject later...I'm sure.
I know I shouldn't do it. It's not good for me, or my blood pressure, or general level of stress. I get burned every time, but I just can't resist. I enter into it hopeful that this will be the day, finally, when someone has something intelligent to write. Or at least bothers with correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. But, alas...I am disappointed once again. Comcast Forum: the electronic domain for the uneducated moron. That's how they should market it, since it seems to be a place entirely populated with the simple-minded stay-at-home-mom, the unemployed high school drop-out, the uneducated, the narrow-minded, the backwards hick, and mouth-breathing troglodytes of all shapes and sizes. In other words, the people who have nothing better to do with their lives than guzzle Mountain Dew, gobble Doritos, and bitch about the educated, successful, gainfully employed "libruls who think there so much better then tha rest uf us." Yeah...there's a reason they think the way they do. They're right. I mean we're right. Did I write "they?" I meant to write "we." Elitist snob...and proud of it. At least I can spell, and put sentences together to form a paragraph, and complete a thought. I can even tie my shoelaces.
Footnotes
No child held back:
Every year, thousands of American teenagers graduate from high school with less than an eighth grade reading level, limited understanding of basic economics, physics, or biology; couldn't tell you about FDR's New Deal, the dates of the U.S. Civil War, where Hadrian's Wall is, find more than the U.S. on a world map, name a Shakespearean play that hasn't been made into a movie in the past five years, name the last Egyptian pharaoh, explain the significance of the Rosetta Stone, speak intelligently on the works of Mark Twain, or tell you the difference between the Battle of Normandy and the Norman Conquest. If you mentioned Freud, Nietzsche, or Marx they might say, "bless you!" but most certainly not, "gesundheit!" And these are the ones who go to college.
The depth and breadth of cultural illiteracy in this country is an inexcusable failure (one of many) of our educational system. More on this subject later...I'm sure.
Random Musing
On my way to campus today I passed a ratty old Oldsmobile. The driver was wearing latex gloves. I thought, "average, run-of-the-mill whack job? Deli worker who takes his work home with him? Or...serial killer who's seen a few too many forensics shows..."
27.9.07
Gold Standard:
Walking into my NT class today I overheard, "have you actually read The Book of Mormon?! It's a mess!" I say, "who cares! It was delivered on plates of pure gold! That's gotta be worth something in some market somewhere!"
Savings v. Investment:
When I returned from the restroom (yes, there is actually one on that floor!) they had moved on to Jehovah's Witnesses. The conversation quickly devolved into who was right and who was wrong, and all sorts of "what if..." scenarios, and who's going to Hell, Purgatory, Paradise; who will be saved and who will not, and how long will you have to wait...Welcome to Seminary.
Footnotes
A wise man (well, a professor anyway...) once said: "Every seminarian thinks s/he can change the world. Every minister knows s/he can't."
Walking into my NT class today I overheard, "have you actually read The Book of Mormon?! It's a mess!" I say, "who cares! It was delivered on plates of pure gold! That's gotta be worth something in some market somewhere!"
Savings v. Investment:
When I returned from the restroom (yes, there is actually one on that floor!) they had moved on to Jehovah's Witnesses. The conversation quickly devolved into who was right and who was wrong, and all sorts of "what if..." scenarios, and who's going to Hell, Purgatory, Paradise; who will be saved and who will not, and how long will you have to wait...Welcome to Seminary.
Footnotes
A wise man (well, a professor anyway...) once said: "Every seminarian thinks s/he can change the world. Every minister knows s/he can't."
Quotables
I couldn't have said it any better myself:
"I often wonder why leading fundamentalists - Billy Graham, for example - seem incapable of realizing how they commit the sin of pride when they refuse to acquire the kind of scientific knowledge necessary for a thorough understanding of certain doctrines of their faith. One can forgive medieval Christians for crowding into churches to pray that the plague be abated, thereby spreading the disease more rapidly, because none of them knew about microbes. One can forgive Luther and Calvin and Wesley for believing that God created the earth and all living things in six literal days, because science did not then have evidence to dispute it. Today, when a self-styled Christian resolutely refuses to inform himself about scientific truths which bear upon his faith, why is it that he cannot see his refusal as an insult to the very God of Truth he fancies he is serving?"
"I often wonder why leading fundamentalists - Billy Graham, for example - seem incapable of realizing how they commit the sin of pride when they refuse to acquire the kind of scientific knowledge necessary for a thorough understanding of certain doctrines of their faith. One can forgive medieval Christians for crowding into churches to pray that the plague be abated, thereby spreading the disease more rapidly, because none of them knew about microbes. One can forgive Luther and Calvin and Wesley for believing that God created the earth and all living things in six literal days, because science did not then have evidence to dispute it. Today, when a self-styled Christian resolutely refuses to inform himself about scientific truths which bear upon his faith, why is it that he cannot see his refusal as an insult to the very God of Truth he fancies he is serving?"
--Martin Gardner, The Flight of Peter Fromm, 1973
26.9.07
"Were you Ethical Today?"...:
...my mother asks over the phone. It is Wednesday, and she knows I have my Christian Ethics class on Wednesdays and Fridays. I told her a couple weeks ago I knew I was in trouble when I was in the bookstore and saw the list for this class. It includes "The Ethics of Abortion: Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice" edited by Robert M. Baird and Stuart E. Rosenbaum, both of whom are professors of philosophy at Baylor University.
Now as I have written before, this is an exceptionally liberal divinity school. But it is still a divinity school. And the future ministers outnumber the future professors by 5 to 1. I have severe misgivings about this particular aspect of this class. I have very strong opinions on this subject, probably to the point where even the most tolerant or noncommittal Pro-Lifer would call me a baby killer.
It did nothing to quell my anxiety when I happened to mention to a third-year M.Div. student that I was taking this class. She said, "oh....yeah. I took that last fall. He's my least favorite professor here. When I mentioned that I was a practicing Buddhist he called me a heretic in front of the whole class."
I think I'll be sick those days. No, really. Whether I'm in class, or not...I'll probably be sick those days.
Footnotes
Family Values:
Many years ago I was sitting behind a minivan at a stoplight. This vehicle was a motorized cliche for the Southern, religious, socially conservative, "pro-family" set. It sported a fish decal, Pro-Life license tag, parochial school stickers and no less than three "My child is 'student of the month' at whatever-suburban-white-raising-idiotic-bigots-school" of your choice bumper stickers. There were at least five out-of-control children in the back seats. This van was rocking, and not from the activity that begat the five children, if you know what I mean. As we turned the corner, I got a good look at the woman behind the wheel. She looked as though she were about 30 seconds from committing murder/suicide. If ever there was a poster girl for Pro-Choice...I wonder if she is just as "happy" today with the choices she made in her life as she appeared to be then.
...my mother asks over the phone. It is Wednesday, and she knows I have my Christian Ethics class on Wednesdays and Fridays. I told her a couple weeks ago I knew I was in trouble when I was in the bookstore and saw the list for this class. It includes "The Ethics of Abortion: Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice" edited by Robert M. Baird and Stuart E. Rosenbaum, both of whom are professors of philosophy at Baylor University.
Now as I have written before, this is an exceptionally liberal divinity school. But it is still a divinity school. And the future ministers outnumber the future professors by 5 to 1. I have severe misgivings about this particular aspect of this class. I have very strong opinions on this subject, probably to the point where even the most tolerant or noncommittal Pro-Lifer would call me a baby killer.
It did nothing to quell my anxiety when I happened to mention to a third-year M.Div. student that I was taking this class. She said, "oh....yeah. I took that last fall. He's my least favorite professor here. When I mentioned that I was a practicing Buddhist he called me a heretic in front of the whole class."
I think I'll be sick those days. No, really. Whether I'm in class, or not...I'll probably be sick those days.
Footnotes
Family Values:
Many years ago I was sitting behind a minivan at a stoplight. This vehicle was a motorized cliche for the Southern, religious, socially conservative, "pro-family" set. It sported a fish decal, Pro-Life license tag, parochial school stickers and no less than three "My child is 'student of the month' at whatever-suburban-white-raising-idiotic-bigots-school" of your choice bumper stickers. There were at least five out-of-control children in the back seats. This van was rocking, and not from the activity that begat the five children, if you know what I mean. As we turned the corner, I got a good look at the woman behind the wheel. She looked as though she were about 30 seconds from committing murder/suicide. If ever there was a poster girl for Pro-Choice...I wonder if she is just as "happy" today with the choices she made in her life as she appeared to be then.
Pointed Rant
Road Rage
Time to re-evaluate your definition of wealth:
Today on my way to campus I passed a car with the obnoxious bumper sticker, "Don't let the car fool you, my treasure's in heaven." Now, if this bumper sticker were attached to a 20 year-old Honda Civic with a rusting primer coat and mismatched hood, I'd charitably think, "oh, bless your little self-righteous heart." Buuuut....this bumper sticker was attached to a shiny new black Lincoln Navigator with spinners, low-profile tires, and every other after-factory addition to make it super ghetto-licious. $50,000 without breaking a sweat. I am inclined to think: not only are you a self-righteous prick, but you're a hypocritical asshole as well. Being so endowed ought to make it fairly easy for you to go f*ck yourself.
Footnotes
"And the winner is...":
By far, my favorite bumper sticker of all time has to be, "God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat Him." Kind of makes you rethink the Eucharist, doesn't it...
Time to re-evaluate your definition of wealth:
Today on my way to campus I passed a car with the obnoxious bumper sticker, "Don't let the car fool you, my treasure's in heaven." Now, if this bumper sticker were attached to a 20 year-old Honda Civic with a rusting primer coat and mismatched hood, I'd charitably think, "oh, bless your little self-righteous heart." Buuuut....this bumper sticker was attached to a shiny new black Lincoln Navigator with spinners, low-profile tires, and every other after-factory addition to make it super ghetto-licious. $50,000 without breaking a sweat. I am inclined to think: not only are you a self-righteous prick, but you're a hypocritical asshole as well. Being so endowed ought to make it fairly easy for you to go f*ck yourself.
Footnotes
"And the winner is...":
By far, my favorite bumper sticker of all time has to be, "God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat Him." Kind of makes you rethink the Eucharist, doesn't it...
First Day:
I arrive for my first class, Interpretation of the New Testament. The classroom is packed. And really, really noisy. Master of Divinity students, I have discovered, are usually quite joyous. And gregarious. Most academics, on the other hand, are quite introverted. And quiet. It is bedlam; people are milling about, discussing their contextual education experiences (missionary, charity, church assignments, etc) praying, singing, laughing...
I find a seat, silence my cell phone, open my notebook, click my pen, and get ready for a stimulating lecture on the historical context for the formation of the New Testament, i.e. Imperial Rome. I can do this in my sleep. It was the primary focus of my undergrad major. The professor begins his PowerPoint: it is a slick intro like one you'd see at the top of the hour on History International, or Discovery Times. Indeed, he has "borrowed" images from several of those documentaries, films such as "Gladiator" and "Alexander", along with text and artifact images from museums around the world. In the background is a hymn being sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. At this time, perhaps it bears mentioning this is not a LDS seminary.
It is quite liberal, with many different "flavors" of Christianity as well as Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Judaism represented in its student body. And atheists, but more on that later. It is specific to a Protestant denomination, but that would be another huge clue, so I won't spill the beans!
Anyway, back to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I imagine the professor chose this recording for no other reason than it is a high-quality recording of a popular and awe-inspiring hymn being sung by one of the finest choirs in the world. To be a member of this choir would ALMOST make it worth converting to the LDS Church. Apparently, several students didn't feel it necessary to wait for an invitation to audition, and joined in singing. With enthusiasm. And three-part harmony. The intro to his PowerPoint ended, and before I had a chance to recover from my first "where the Hell am I?" experience, he opened his mouth to speak. I raised my pen...he said, "let us pray."
Uh...wha-I'm sorry, what? Oh, o.k. I set down my pen, dutifully bowed my head, and took the opportunity to recover from my second "where the Hell am I?" experience. Two in less than five minutes. I'm on a roll. Throughout the remaining hour and twenty minutes there were sporadic mm hmms, amen brothers, and hallelujahs. I wondered if he was lecturing or testifying, preaching or teaching. At seminary, the line is often blurred.
In the subsequent weeks since that first experience, the sermonizing has continued. When he reads Scripture passages, I get the feeling he sometimes forgets he is in front of the classroom, but believes he is behind the pulpit. An enthusiasm overtakes him. It is quite something to watch, but in my mind (and humble opinion) it has no place in the classroom. Aaaahhhh, but this is no ordinary classroom...Welcome to Seminary.
Footnotes
"Excuse me, where is the restroom?":
All women at this school experience a phenomenon I like to call the "sociology of architecture." This being a seminary founded (and its buildings erected) at the beginning of the last century, women's bathrooms were an after-thought.
"Stranger in a Strange Land":
I am the only member of the choir who is not a divinity student. NO, I am not a mole.
I arrive for my first class, Interpretation of the New Testament. The classroom is packed. And really, really noisy. Master of Divinity students, I have discovered, are usually quite joyous. And gregarious. Most academics, on the other hand, are quite introverted. And quiet. It is bedlam; people are milling about, discussing their contextual education experiences (missionary, charity, church assignments, etc) praying, singing, laughing...
I find a seat, silence my cell phone, open my notebook, click my pen, and get ready for a stimulating lecture on the historical context for the formation of the New Testament, i.e. Imperial Rome. I can do this in my sleep. It was the primary focus of my undergrad major. The professor begins his PowerPoint: it is a slick intro like one you'd see at the top of the hour on History International, or Discovery Times. Indeed, he has "borrowed" images from several of those documentaries, films such as "Gladiator" and "Alexander", along with text and artifact images from museums around the world. In the background is a hymn being sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. At this time, perhaps it bears mentioning this is not a LDS seminary.
It is quite liberal, with many different "flavors" of Christianity as well as Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Judaism represented in its student body. And atheists, but more on that later. It is specific to a Protestant denomination, but that would be another huge clue, so I won't spill the beans!
Anyway, back to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I imagine the professor chose this recording for no other reason than it is a high-quality recording of a popular and awe-inspiring hymn being sung by one of the finest choirs in the world. To be a member of this choir would ALMOST make it worth converting to the LDS Church. Apparently, several students didn't feel it necessary to wait for an invitation to audition, and joined in singing. With enthusiasm. And three-part harmony. The intro to his PowerPoint ended, and before I had a chance to recover from my first "where the Hell am I?" experience, he opened his mouth to speak. I raised my pen...he said, "let us pray."
Uh...wha-I'm sorry, what? Oh, o.k. I set down my pen, dutifully bowed my head, and took the opportunity to recover from my second "where the Hell am I?" experience. Two in less than five minutes. I'm on a roll. Throughout the remaining hour and twenty minutes there were sporadic mm hmms, amen brothers, and hallelujahs. I wondered if he was lecturing or testifying, preaching or teaching. At seminary, the line is often blurred.
In the subsequent weeks since that first experience, the sermonizing has continued. When he reads Scripture passages, I get the feeling he sometimes forgets he is in front of the classroom, but believes he is behind the pulpit. An enthusiasm overtakes him. It is quite something to watch, but in my mind (and humble opinion) it has no place in the classroom. Aaaahhhh, but this is no ordinary classroom...Welcome to Seminary.
Footnotes
"Excuse me, where is the restroom?":
All women at this school experience a phenomenon I like to call the "sociology of architecture." This being a seminary founded (and its buildings erected) at the beginning of the last century, women's bathrooms were an after-thought.
"Stranger in a Strange Land":
I am the only member of the choir who is not a divinity student. NO, I am not a mole.
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