Silly Season in the Bible Belt

Ah, Spring...when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of Jesus. At least, that's what it's like down here. I don't know what it's like where you are, but here in the Bible Belt Holy Week means the doorbell rings practically non-stop. Baptists, Jehovah's Witnesses, Evangelicals...you name them, they darken my doorstep. I have lost count of the number of times I've had to say, "no we don't attend church. Yes, I am aware of the fact that you THINK my soul is in jeopardy. No, I don't want any literature. No, I don't want to pray or read the Bible with you. Yes, as a matter of fact, I have read the Bible. A lot. Over and over, cover to cover, several different versions. Have you..........? Yeah, that's what I thought. See, here's the difference between you and me. I'm a biblical scholar. You're a Bible thumper. I read it; you beat it up. I'm an atheist. You're a non-critical believer. O.K. I think we're all caught up now. Please get off my property." My husband asks why I don't just ignore them when they ring the doorbell. Huh?! This is the highlight of my day!!

As we approach the most important holiday for the Christian people (no, Virginia, Christmas is NOT the most important) I do have a few things to say regarding the historical Jesus. First, I believe he existed. There is a lot of evidence to suggest he did. But that doesn't make him special, and that certainly doesn't make him the Messiah. The truth is, the odds are in our favor that he actually existed, because at that time Israel and its vicinity were crawling with prophets and people claiming to be the Messiah. There was one on nearly every street corner. We know about Jesus because clearly he had the best PR machine. You could also say he was the unluckiest...because he had a great PR machine!

He was not the first to be stricken with Jerusalem Syndrome (Google it) and he certainly wasn't the last. The difference is, back then the Syndrome landed you on a wooden cross, beaten, broken, and waiting to die. Today it just lands you in the Kfar Shaul Mental Health Centre, which I'm quite certain is staffed to the hilt this week, as it is every year at this time. Nothing like a good dose of medical science to cure religious fervor. Torture rarely works, but red Jell-O and a Haldol is simply miraculous.

Happy Easter!!